Secret Missions

I haven’t been a Mossad agent that long, but I’ve been on many exciting missions. Here are just a few of them:

Tsunami – I helped cause the big tsunami a few years ago but the enemies of Israel have it wrong. I didn’t do it as an official assignment. Sadly…I burped. The rest is history.

Earthquake in Haiti – it was all a Zionist plot to make the IDF look like a caring, humanitarian organization ready to fly to the far ends of the earth to save lives. I’m very proud of this one. It took a lot of hard work for a seal to cause an earthquake, but it was worth it!

Car accident: The car accident on the corner of Main Street and Poplar Avenue in Waynesboro. No, really – seals should not be driving. No one wants to believe it was an accident. The truth is, it was the ice cream.

Flotilla sabotage: This was one of my greatest missions. I swam from Israel to the ports of Greece. Truth – I didn’t swim the whole way, there was a ship and I was able to hold on to the underneath thingee and luckily it was going my way. When I got to Greece, I ate the propellers of the flotilla ships. I can’t tell you how I knew from underneath which ones were part of the flotilla – that’s a Mossad secret!

Malaysia: This is my latest mission – I’m taking over the country!

What does the future hold? Stay tuned and we’ll all find out!