I couldn’t help myself – you see, somehow, these men got to thinking that it was okay to wipe out a nation of 7 million, including over 5 million Jews. I started this blog as a funny way to explain the insanity of these people who think that a shark can be a Zionist agent, a jellyfish can be part of a Zionist plot.

So let them believe. I’m a seal and I don’t even belong to the Navy but I am systematically targeting anyone and everyone within the Iranian infrastructure to stop their mad dash to a nuclear disaster. It was so simple and I got to use my favorite motorcycle again to drive past his car and just attach the wee-little bomb…

This was Mostafa Ahmadi Roshan’s car. He was a Director of Iran’s Natanz uranium enrichment facility and a so-called expert on chemistry programs associated with nuclear development

The translation  - he knew enough about what Iran was doing to know that it was headed towards a nuclear bomb. Well, he knew…now he doesn’t know anymore. All I can say to the rest of Iran’s experts – somewhere, someway, there’s a seal waiting for you, or a shark, or a vulture, or maybe a Zionist penguin, a Zionist turtle…something, somewhere, sometime.

Happy hunting…to my fellow Mossad menagerie – swim or fly true.

I was going to fly from Tel Aviv to Istanbul, but after I heard about how they treated the Israeli passengers – detaining them, confiscating their passports, I decided NO WAY. So, I’m going to swim there. I’m a seal, remember! Not a Navy Seal…but hey, seals swim.

Look for me in the news! I’m so excited. Can you imagine what I can do in Turkey? I have to admit, it isn’t my first visit. I was there years ago. I stayed in a really nice hotel…I never told anyone, but the hotel had a blackout while I was there. I was supposed to sneak into a Hamas terrorist’s room while he was vacationing in the same resort. He was out by the pool with his four wives, so I was going to sneak into his room.

I figured if I cut the power to the hotel, the elevators would go out and he’d stay downstairs. It was great. I had this electric water heating thing. I plugged it in and it blew the WHOLE hotel!

So, I went to his room, found the papers detailing some really great Hamas secrets, and left. Later, just for the fun of it, I dived into the pool. The wives were screaming that they’d seen a shark, but honestly, the Zionist sharks were in Egypt, not Turkey!

Why is it whenever someone thinks of some scary Zionist agent in the water, they only think about a shark? You don’t think a seal can be scary?

Anyway – if I’m slow to update the blog in the next few days, just remember – it’s Turkey time!

To be honest, I don’t want to get too close to check! I’ve succeeded in my latest Zionist plot. I sneaked into the crocodile farm in the Jordan Valley to release a Zionist crocodile. I found a really nice one. His name is Yosele. That sounds like a Jewish mafia name, right?

Yosele the Croc! So I free him. The problem is…his friends wanted to come along. I tried to tell them no, but have you ever tried arguing with a crocodile? Last I looked…which wasn’t too often because I was too busy staying ahead of them, there were more than 60 of them following me. I got Yosele into the getaway van just as the security alarms went off. I threw a blanket over him and as we drove away, no one was paying any attention to us.

I checked the news. They found 63 of them, but Yosele is free and in training. Soon, soon he will join the great Zionist cause. What a great victory for Israel! Oh, and if you’re driving on Route 90 for the next few days and need to take a bathroom break – maybe you want to keep driving and only stop when you get north of Beit Shean?

Wow, 50,000 anti-Israel people were killed while fighting their anti-Israel government…in order to bring about a new regime which will likely be just as anti-Israel.

50,000 killed…and I didn’t even do anything to cause it.

At least in Syria, I helped out by hacking the defense ministry’s website and throwing some rocks at Syrian tanks as they were shooting their people. But Libya…I didn’t even get a chance to get there. 50,000 … wow.

It’s such a shame the UN is so busy condemning Israel to pay any attention to Libya and Syria.

Egypt’s newspaper reported today: “‘Mossad agent Ofir Harari’ instructed Jordanian Ibrahim abu-Zaid to set up a company in Egypt which would exclusively import an Israeli hair product, for both men and women, which causes infertility. This in order to completely destroy Egyptian reproduction abilities.”

You know, this has to be the truth – it really is a Mossad plot – I mean, who could make this stuff up?

I’ve confessed it. I hope the Mossad won’t mind. The Egyptians have already blown my cover and identified me as an Israeli spy. They say I fled the country before they could catch me but the truth is, all I did was slip into the water (by the way, whoever is in charge of their environmental agency should be shot…what pollution!) and swim away.

Mossad plot? Well, maybe just a wee bit but you can’t expect Israel not to spy on its neighbors. The amazing part, of course, is that they rarely think of us as humans…they think we’re just a bunch of animals.

Oh wait, we are. We are a legion of animals – sharks, vultures, jellyfish, wolves, and yes, one or two seals – all determined to protect Israel. I don’t often get mushy about my job, but I have to tell you, I wouldn’t swim for any other country; wouldn’t work so hard to protect it.

Yeah, I was in Egypt – but now I’m not. So – Egyptians…you can forget about Ofer Harari – it was a fake passport anyway. And no, I’m not 170 meters tall with black hair and dark eyes – I’m short and I have a tail and flippers!

The Palestinians are smart that way – they claim credit for everything – even the things they don’t do. A car’s tire explodes – some Palestinian organization claims credit. A rocket lands, three claim credit. It actually hits something…man, every organization from Gaza to Jenin is screaming they did it.

The Mossad has this stupid policy. I hate it. No credit for work we do. That assassination – the one in Dubai – it took the Dubai-ese to announce it was a Mossad plot – and then they started announcing how many agents were involved. By the time they got to about 100, no one was believing them.

Sad thing was, it wasn’t even the Mossad – it was his wife’s grandmother. She hated him from the day he showed up at their door wanting their pretty little daughter as his third wife! What an insult – third wife!

Anyway, here they go again. I had this great operation in Turkey this week. What do they mean “suspected bomb”? It went boom, didn’t it?

And why should the PKK get credit. It was a Zionist plot! Reuters got it wrong again – no surprise there, but still. Do you need me to leave a Jewish star calling card? Sheesh!

Anyway, I have to admit, after getting my first computer, it was love at first tap. I’ve become something of an expert at computers over the years and it’s paid off. Yesterday, one of my recent missions was announced in the Jerusalem Post. That’s right, I hacked the Syrian Ministry of Defense. Personally, I have to tell you, I don’t like being called “Anonymous” – I would so much rather the article announced it was the Mossad’s favorite Zionist seal, but what can you do. It isn’t all for the glory.

They want to destroy Israel. They want to do in seconds what it took Hitler more than 6 years to accomplish and this time, they want the destruction to be total and permanent. My family lives in Israel. Some day, I’ll marry and have little seals and I won’t let them get involved in this spy business. I hope they’ll live in a world of peace and never have to serve their country as I have had to serve it.

So, I do what I can, as I can. I have to tell you that though I didn’t program the Stuxnet virus, I did have a flipper involved in installing them in the nuclear reactors. It was painfully easy, I have to tell you. Can you imagine all those stupid Iranian guards patrolling and not one of them noticing a small Zionist seal sneaking right past them! I almost laughed out loud!

And now, my latest accomplishment! I’ve delayed the opening of their nuclear plant yet again! I can’t tell you yet what I did – but I did it and I’m so proud. Someday, someday, I’m going to tell this all to my future wife and she’ll be so proud!

Here’s a news story about my latest feat…no, it doesn’t say anything about me – but here it is… http://www.ynetnews.com/articles/0,7340,L-4105932,00.html

It’s true.

I confess.

It was one of my first acts as a Zionist agent. I was actually a very young seal. I hated Arafat. I hated what he did in the name of his cause. I hated the terrorist attacks, the murders of innocents and I killed him. I did it day by day, wish by wish, until one day, he finally died.

Some say Arafat died of AIDS (that’s what I believe, but for those who love a conspiracy…), I did it.

Only now, to my great shock, the Arabs are daring to give credit to Mahmoud Dahlan for Arafat’s death. They say he poisoned him.

Look – it might have happened that way – but who do you think planted the idea in Dahlan’s head? I went by his bed every night for three months and whispered, “kill him; poison him.”

No?

Well, I’m sorry – but the minute I heard that Arafat was dead, I knew that it was my doing. I’d wished it upon him for so long! Then again, I’m betting there were so many others that maybe this truly was a Zionist plot. Yes, there you go!

News item: http://www.israelnationalnews.com/News/News.aspx/146472